Being In Love
Laura at ...and if not... has been posting about contemplative life and started me thinking...
When I first learned about contemplative life I thought, "I could NEVER do that! No way, no how." After I was married and spent a few weekends with the contemplative branch of the Sisters of St. John I started to think that if I ever had the opportunity to pursue a vocation (i.e., if (GOD FORBID) something were to happen to my darling hubband) that I might be called to contemplative life. I even told my husband it was a good thing I hadn't visited as he'd wanted before we were married or he might still be single!
In the years before I don't think I had ever tried actively to cultivate a contemplative spirit. Surely I desired to practice contemplation, but that's an action. What I should truly seek is a contemplative spirit; which rather than an action is instead a way of being -- being IN Love. That is, being one with He who IS Love. Standing at the foot of the Cross with Mary and the Beloved Disciple, John, and contemplating the heart of Jesus crucified. Similarly, just as John rested his head on Christ's breast, next to His heart we are also called to contemplate His love in this way -- allowing His heart to speak directly to ours. (The evening prayer to St. John speaks of this so eloquently, but I cannot find it right now, when I do I'll post it.)
A spirit of contemplation is unfortunately an elusive thing. For some time now I have been searching unsuccessfully to rediscover it. The ability to enter into His heart is thwarted by the noise of the world. One can do spiritual readings, go on retreat, spend time in prayer and go to mass and still lack the spirit of contemplation. One cannot will it back once it is lost, nor demand it back. Like understanding it is granted in His time, not ours.
Is it withheld to remind us that it is a gift and not to be taken for granted? This I cannot answer but as St. Augustine so aptly observed, "Our hearts will not rest until they rest in You, O Lord." The holy rest the spirit of contemplation brings comes at a cost, the rest serves as preparation for the search for Truth and Light. Perhaps the key is in Hosea 2:16 "So I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart."
Or more simply is it me who is unable to receive the contemplative spirit that He is so willing to give? Am I unwilling to admit that it has not been taken from me but rather that I have foolishly set it aside for other things that in the light of eternity are of little consequence?
As another day comes to a close may we beg: "God, come to my assistance. Lord make haste to help me . . ."
Recalling what I have done and what I have failed to do -- I ask you my brothers and sisters to pray for me to the Lord our God.
May our desire for Love Himself lead each of us deeper into the spirit of contemplation we desire.
When I first learned about contemplative life I thought, "I could NEVER do that! No way, no how." After I was married and spent a few weekends with the contemplative branch of the Sisters of St. John I started to think that if I ever had the opportunity to pursue a vocation (i.e., if (GOD FORBID) something were to happen to my darling hubband) that I might be called to contemplative life. I even told my husband it was a good thing I hadn't visited as he'd wanted before we were married or he might still be single!
If you knew me you'd laugh at the idea of me being a contemplative sister...a lot. But it's weird how you get that tug on your heart. Even though I have a vocation as a wife and a mother I only just now realize that that tug was then a sign, and now a reminder, of the vocation I have as an Oblate of the Community to live in a spirit of contemplation.
In the years before I don't think I had ever tried actively to cultivate a contemplative spirit. Surely I desired to practice contemplation, but that's an action. What I should truly seek is a contemplative spirit; which rather than an action is instead a way of being -- being IN Love. That is, being one with He who IS Love. Standing at the foot of the Cross with Mary and the Beloved Disciple, John, and contemplating the heart of Jesus crucified. Similarly, just as John rested his head on Christ's breast, next to His heart we are also called to contemplate His love in this way -- allowing His heart to speak directly to ours. (The evening prayer to St. John speaks of this so eloquently, but I cannot find it right now, when I do I'll post it.)A spirit of contemplation is unfortunately an elusive thing. For some time now I have been searching unsuccessfully to rediscover it. The ability to enter into His heart is thwarted by the noise of the world. One can do spiritual readings, go on retreat, spend time in prayer and go to mass and still lack the spirit of contemplation. One cannot will it back once it is lost, nor demand it back. Like understanding it is granted in His time, not ours.
Is it withheld to remind us that it is a gift and not to be taken for granted? This I cannot answer but as St. Augustine so aptly observed, "Our hearts will not rest until they rest in You, O Lord." The holy rest the spirit of contemplation brings comes at a cost, the rest serves as preparation for the search for Truth and Light. Perhaps the key is in Hosea 2:16 "So I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart."
Or more simply is it me who is unable to receive the contemplative spirit that He is so willing to give? Am I unwilling to admit that it has not been taken from me but rather that I have foolishly set it aside for other things that in the light of eternity are of little consequence?
As another day comes to a close may we beg: "God, come to my assistance. Lord make haste to help me . . ."
Recalling what I have done and what I have failed to do -- I ask you my brothers and sisters to pray for me to the Lord our God.
May our desire for Love Himself lead each of us deeper into the spirit of contemplation we desire.
posted by Daughter of St. John | 12:45 AM
2 Comments:
What a beautiful post. It is definitely one I will be sharing as well as keeping for myself (for a reread). There is so much wisdom in this post. I think you have inspired me to do some soul-searching myself. And perhaps this is what I need to get my blog back into gear...
God come to my assistance. Lord make haste to help me...
I've so enjoyed reading your post, this subject has been very much on my mind of late, for the last 8 months or more i have felt quite a tug in this direction, we'll see :-)
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