In honor of the remaining Orthodox in Turkey . . .

The Orthodox Church in Turkey struggles as this poem about an ever smaller school of theology reflects. One hopes (no matter how unrealistically!) that the journey of Papa Ben to this land will lead to a resurrection of the Orthodox Church and Christianity in Turkey.

You were the invisible ladder between heaven and earth.
You set our souls on a voyage
to seek the pure and the grand.
Hiding our dreams in your warm embrace,
you gave us wings to travel all over the world...
Oh! How your pleasant figure withered so suddenly.
How the waves drowned your thunderous voice.
And now you stand dead alive, our ill-fortuned mother,
Expecting a bell to signal your resurrection.

- Anonymous poem by Orthodox theologians, "To Our Mother, the Theological School of Halki"

A true spirit of poverty

Father.

I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.

Whatever you may do. I thank you:

I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,

and in all your creatures-

I wish no more than this. 0 Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,

for I love you Lord,

and so need to give myself,

to surrender myself into your hands. without reserve.

and with boundless confidence,

For you are my Father.

Bl. Charles de Foucauld

Poverty and Humility

A while back I was urged to think on humility. Not humility as it's understood in the secular sense, but spiritual humility. At first I wondered what the person who brought it up to me meant, if he had seen something in me that necessitated his urging. Had I been too proud? Arrogant? Holier than thou?

It took me a long time to figure out what he meant. In all honesty I'd sort of pushed it to the back of my mind, but my heart hadn't forgotten. I now realize I had been turning it over and over in my heart, ruminating on it and wondering why I couldn't figure out from where this had come.

Humility.
HUMility.
HUMble.
HUMANITY.

My soul is a human soul. It is limited. It is dependent, dependent on Christ for its health and indeed its life and very existence. I am dependent on Christ, or at least I should be. This is my lesson in humility. Unlike many who pray when the going gets rough I tend to do the opposite. When things are overwhelming my prayer life evaporates. This neglect is I belive why I was urged to think on humility.

When I neglect my prayer life I fail in humility. I pretend I can do this on my own. I lack the humility that allows me to see myself for what I really am, a child of God. Like all children I need the protection and love of my Father. I need His forgiveness, His mercy, His strength, and His understanding.

He should be my center, my reason for living. My calm in the midst of the storm. But as the days and weeks fly by I find myself not centered...at all. Not only not maintaining a spirit of prayer, but not even praying. I just keep my head down and keep plowing forward, sort of like one walking home through a blizzard, snow whizzing by, wind whipping, eyes squinting almost blinded by the storm just trying to reach Home. But I will wander out in the storm if I fail in humility and never reach my destination.

This is poverty. Not monetary poverty, but spiritual. I am forced to recognize that I must accept my current situation living between two states, away from my beloved, in a spirit of poverty.

As I try to embrace this poverty in a spirit of prayer I struggle and find myself again slapped upside the head (as only the Father could do!) by humility. Thinking I had a good handle on things and was re-centered I discovered that I was far from it. Hounded by sins and difficulties that I thought I had long since overcome by the grace of God I recognize even more keenly just how reliant I am on His grace and mercy. I must live always in the spirit of poverty and humility recognizing my humanity. I am human and I will fail, sometimes repeatedly, by committing the same sin. By failing to maintain a spirit of prayer I am impoverished and lacking in humility.

Poverty. My poor prayer is that our souls may be illuminated this coming Advent season by a deeper understanding of poverty and humility so that we may receive the infinite grace and mercy that Christ wishes to give us if only our souls have enough room, enough poverty and humility, to recieve His gifts.

The only way I know how to get through this...

I mentioned a while back that my Alma Mater was going co-ed. The college will not only admit men as degree candidates it will also change its name. As many of you know I have experienced deep sadness over this. Many of my sister alumnae are grieving with me. I sent this to them in the hope that some healing will come.

This is the only way I know to get through this sadness to surrender it to Christ for the salvation of others. I have been blessed by all those who have journeyed with me through this distressing time, through feelings of betrayal and disbelief. I have also been blessed by the many new and renewed friendships that have blossomed out of this painful situation.

PRAYER OF SURRENDER

Lord Jesus Christ, I ask the grace to accept the sadness in my heart, as your will for me, in this moment. I offer it up, in union with your sufferings, for those who are in deepest need of your redeeming grace. I surrender myself to your Father's will and I ask you to help me to move on to the next task that you have set for me.

Spirit of Christ, help me to enter into a deeper union with you. Lead me away from dwelling on the hurt I feel:

to thoughts of charity for those who need my love
to thoughts of compassion for those who need my care,
and to thoughts of giving to those who need my help.
As I give myself to you, help me to provide for the salvation of those who come to me in need.

May I find my healing in this giving.
May I always accept God's will.
May I find my true self by living for others in a spirit of sacrifice and suffering.
May I die more fully to myself, and live more fully in you.

As I seek to surrender to the Father's will, may I come to trust that he will do everything for me.

Adapted from the spiritual teachings of Rev. Walter J. Ciszek, SJ.

All The Trees Of The Field Will Clap Their Hands

It's been a while since I've posted lyrics. This is from one of my favorite albums. It is a good reminder for me about for whom we should be preparing our hearts as the season of Advent closes in on us. Most of us will be pulled in a thousand different directions over the next few weeks, but we must always seek as this song tells us to "join all [our] thoughts" to Christ and to remember that we should be "preparing every part" for the Christ Child.

It is though the opening lines that are most striking. . . ."IF I am alive this time next year. . ." How many of us doubt that we will be alive this time next year?

We must prepare our hearts not only for our own death, but also live in the recognition that each day we have with one another is precious. As Joshua Loth Liebman emphasized, we must "treasure each other in the recognition that we do not know how long we shall have each other."

And now without further delay. . .

All The Trees Of The Field Will Clap Their Hands
by Sufjan Stevens from his album Seven Swans

If I am alive this time next year,
will I have arrived in time to share?
And mine is about as good this far.
And I'm still applied to what you are.
And I am joining all my thoughts to you.
And I'm preparing every part for you.

And I heard from the trees a great parade.
And I heard from the hills a band was made.
And will I be invited to the sound?
And will I be a part of what you've made?
And I am throwing all my thoughts away.
And I'm destroying every bet I've made.
And I am joining all my thoughts to you.
And I'm preparing every part for you.