Have You Prayed?

HAVE YOU PRAYED
by Li Young Lee

When the wind
turns and asks, in my father’s voice,
Have you prayed?

I know three things. One:
I’m never finished answering to the dead.

Two: A man is four winds and three fires.
And the four winds are his father’s voice,
his mother’s voice…

Or maybe he’s seven winds and ten fires.
And the fires are seeing, hearing, touching,
dreaming, thinking…
Or is he the breath of God?

When the wind turns traveler
and asks, in my father’s voice, Have you prayed?
I remember three things.
One: A father’s love

is milk and sugar,
two-thirds worry, two-thirds grief, and what’s left over
is trimmed and leavened to make the bread
the dead and the living share.

And patience? That’s to endure
the terrible leavening and kneading.

And wisdom? That’s my father’s face in sleep.

When the wind
asks, Have you prayed?
I know it’s only me

reminding myself
a flower is one station between
earth’s wish and earth’s rapture, and blood

was fire, salt, and breath long before
it quickened any wand or branch, any limb
that woke speaking. It’s just me

in the gowns of the wind,
or my father through me, asking,
Have you found your refuge yet?
asking, Are you happy?

Strange. A troubled father. A happy son.
The wind with a voice. And me without one.

Ahhhhh, Peace, or not

Today I made the decision to postpone my comps, the last big hurdles to cross before my dissertation. I'm not really postponing them, just sorta not doing 'em as soon as I'm allowed to.

I've been under a great deal of stress and thought this would relieve it. It sorta did. But then again, I'm still stressed.

Sigh, maybe if I trusted in God more and stopped worrying so much about the future I'd be better off.

Blah.

Promises vs. Vows

When I made my Oblature with the Community of St. John, I made promises, rather than vows. It’s a subtle distinction, but Catholic Rage Monkey (scroll down to "You've Asked Twice -- Now the Answer") has a great post delineating the differences (or lack of)!

Taking the plunge into the arms of Our Lady and the Community of St. John

On the Feast of St. John, Dec. 27th, I made my Oblature with the Community of St. John.

There will be better photos, but for now this is the one that I have. This is when I was making my promises in the hands of Fr. Joseph Mary. He's the prior at the novitiate.

The promises I made make me as much a part of the Community of St. John as the Brothers and Sisters are. Though they're not vows they're equivalent in how I'm seen by the community. It was so awesome. There was a hymn to invoke the Holy Spirit at the start and some prayers, a short homily etc. We were reminded that we were offered ourselves to God as holocausts, and that we were now no more than huge piles of ash :-)

I was honored to share the sacred occassion with a priest who was also making his Oblature and with Br. Benedict of the Cross who made his simple professions. What a glorious day.

I also received a Miraculous Medal direct from Rue de Bac. It's my first nice one and I will cherish it always. I love that it's in French. Now I just have to find a chain/cord for it!

And the oblate said.....
“I, Daughter of St. John, in the presence of Fr. Joseph Mary, Prior, and the Brothers and Sisters of the Community, consecrate myself to the Most Holy Trinity -- through Mary -- promising to seek to lead a more evangelical life by the grace of Christ and with the help of the Blessed Mother , following our father St John, and according to the Rule of Life of the Secular Oblates of St John.”

My Father had promised to be at my Oblature when I had called to tell him that I was preparing to make it, years ago. I know he was there. My Mom was able to come and it was great to have her there and introduce her to the Community. My husband was there as well. I pray that he will one day resume his preparation and will join me in Oblature.

I pray that I will be able to fulfil the promises I made on this day.