Poverty and Humility
A while back I was urged to think on humility. Not humility as it's understood in the secular sense, but spiritual humility. At first I wondered what the person who brought it up to me meant, if he had seen something in me that necessitated his urging. Had I been too proud? Arrogant? Holier than thou?
It took me a long time to figure out what he meant. In all honesty I'd sort of pushed it to the back of my mind, but my heart hadn't forgotten. I now realize I had been turning it over and over in my heart, ruminating on it and wondering why I couldn't figure out from where this had come.
Humility.
HUMility.
HUMble.
HUMANITY.
My soul is a human soul. It is limited. It is dependent, dependent on Christ for its health and indeed its life and very existence. I am dependent on Christ, or at least I should be. This is my lesson in humility. Unlike many who pray when the going gets rough I tend to do the opposite. When things are overwhelming my prayer life evaporates. This neglect is I belive why I was urged to think on humility.
When I neglect my prayer life I fail in humility. I pretend I can do this on my own. I lack the humility that allows me to see myself for what I really am, a child of God. Like all children I need the protection and love of my Father. I need His forgiveness, His mercy, His strength, and His understanding.
He should be my center, my reason for living. My calm in the midst of the storm. But as the days and weeks fly by I find myself not centered...at all. Not only not maintaining a spirit of prayer, but not even praying. I just keep my head down and keep plowing forward, sort of like one walking home through a blizzard, snow whizzing by, wind whipping, eyes squinting almost blinded by the storm just trying to reach Home. But I will wander out in the storm if I fail in humility and never reach my destination.
This is poverty. Not monetary poverty, but spiritual. I am forced to recognize that I must accept my current situation living between two states, away from my beloved, in a spirit of poverty.
As I try to embrace this poverty in a spirit of prayer I struggle and find myself again slapped upside the head (as only the Father could do!) by humility. Thinking I had a good handle on things and was re-centered I discovered that I was far from it. Hounded by sins and difficulties that I thought I had long since overcome by the grace of God I recognize even more keenly just how reliant I am on His grace and mercy. I must live always in the spirit of poverty and humility recognizing my humanity. I am human and I will fail, sometimes repeatedly, by committing the same sin. By failing to maintain a spirit of prayer I am impoverished and lacking in humility.
Poverty. My poor prayer is that our souls may be illuminated this coming Advent season by a deeper understanding of poverty and humility so that we may receive the infinite grace and mercy that Christ wishes to give us if only our souls have enough room, enough poverty and humility, to recieve His gifts.
It took me a long time to figure out what he meant. In all honesty I'd sort of pushed it to the back of my mind, but my heart hadn't forgotten. I now realize I had been turning it over and over in my heart, ruminating on it and wondering why I couldn't figure out from where this had come.
Humility.
HUMility.
HUMble.
HUMANITY.
My soul is a human soul. It is limited. It is dependent, dependent on Christ for its health and indeed its life and very existence. I am dependent on Christ, or at least I should be. This is my lesson in humility. Unlike many who pray when the going gets rough I tend to do the opposite. When things are overwhelming my prayer life evaporates. This neglect is I belive why I was urged to think on humility.
When I neglect my prayer life I fail in humility. I pretend I can do this on my own. I lack the humility that allows me to see myself for what I really am, a child of God. Like all children I need the protection and love of my Father. I need His forgiveness, His mercy, His strength, and His understanding.
He should be my center, my reason for living. My calm in the midst of the storm. But as the days and weeks fly by I find myself not centered...at all. Not only not maintaining a spirit of prayer, but not even praying. I just keep my head down and keep plowing forward, sort of like one walking home through a blizzard, snow whizzing by, wind whipping, eyes squinting almost blinded by the storm just trying to reach Home. But I will wander out in the storm if I fail in humility and never reach my destination.
This is poverty. Not monetary poverty, but spiritual. I am forced to recognize that I must accept my current situation living between two states, away from my beloved, in a spirit of poverty.
As I try to embrace this poverty in a spirit of prayer I struggle and find myself again slapped upside the head (as only the Father could do!) by humility. Thinking I had a good handle on things and was re-centered I discovered that I was far from it. Hounded by sins and difficulties that I thought I had long since overcome by the grace of God I recognize even more keenly just how reliant I am on His grace and mercy. I must live always in the spirit of poverty and humility recognizing my humanity. I am human and I will fail, sometimes repeatedly, by committing the same sin. By failing to maintain a spirit of prayer I am impoverished and lacking in humility.
Poverty. My poor prayer is that our souls may be illuminated this coming Advent season by a deeper understanding of poverty and humility so that we may receive the infinite grace and mercy that Christ wishes to give us if only our souls have enough room, enough poverty and humility, to recieve His gifts.
posted by Daughter of St. John | 2:04 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home