Seeing through a glass darkly...

and some days are darker than others...

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Location: United States

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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Thoughts that can take your breath away

"The God of all eternity is first and formost our Father"

The divine intimacy between souls, between spouses, between parent and child, between confessor and penitent, between spiritual director and directee is nothing compared to the intimacy between our hearts and the heart of Christ.

Like John, the beloved disciple who rested his head on the heart of Christ we must take the time to do the same. To rest on His heart, listening to its desire for us, its longing for us, and its sorrow over us when we lack trust.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!

Having spent my Spring Break working on a paper I took the opportunity to escape on a mini-retreat from the city to my spiritual home, the Community of St. John.

On Holy Thursday we processed to the "Garden" where all night adoration was. The room was full and standing in the back in the warmth and glow of the candles reflecting on the Apostles falling asleep in the Garden of Gethsemane, I was reminded of the faithful friends waiting with my Mother around my Father's hospital bed when I arrived home. Like Christ he was in agony, and his friends were keeping watch. (Yes, I know Christ's friends fell asleep, but go with it ok?!) All of those at my Father's bedside, the night I arrived were men. They were waiting, watching and praying with their friend in his agony, praying the prayers that he himself could not pray. Like Mary received John at the foot of the Cross, my Mother too received the gift of Love in her moments of grief. Man after man came to me, telling me that they would do anything for my Mother around the house that my Father would have done. That they had promised him that, that they had promised to care for her.

I had to leave the room where the sacrament was exposed. Tears streaming down my face, treading softly through the Cloister I stepped out into the cool night and stood in front of the Chapel. The night air was refreshing, and soon I was surrounded by the warm arms of a dear friend.

Sorrow though gives way to joy and the Garden of Sorrow and Agony of Holy Thursday gives way to the Garden of Ressurection.

Mary Magdalene finds herself searching desperately for the One who gave her life and is so caught up in her sorrow that she almost misses Him. I wonder how many of us in sorrow like Mary almost miss the soft calling of our names by Christ.

The Ressurection is filled with joy, but we do not forget the events of the previous days. The only way to the Joy is through the Cross. The sorrow is not fogotten, but it, like our hearts is transformed by Love.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

U2!

YAY YAY YAY! We're going to the U2 concert! Yeeeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaawwwwwww! I'm at a place called Vertigo!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Lamentations and Beauty Intertwined

This message found scrawled on a Gestapo prison cell wall in 1944 by an 18-year-old girl:

No, Mother, do not weep,
Most chaste Queen of Heaven
Help me always.
Hail Mary.

is sung by Dawn Upshaw on Henryk Gorecki's Symphony No. 3 in the second movement. This is one of the most beautiful pieces I have ever heard.

Another of my new favorites, not yet released is John Tavener's "Veil of the Temple." It will be released on March 22, 2005 and is a must have!

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day....

This morning is simply glorious! It's already in the mid 50s and it is supposed to reach 73F before the day is over. (of course by Friday it will be in the 30s!) I was out on the porch talking to my Mom just a while ago listening to the birds chirping. I've planted some garlic for the summer and this afternoon will plant the rest of my flower boxes for the back porch. Hopefully the bulbs which ended up stored in the refridgerator for the winter will take.

I'm sitting here watching "Home Again" with Bob Villa. My Dad would have loved today, two of his favorite things, beautiful days with sunshine, and a home improvement show!

My Mother continues to amaze me. She is enjoying life, and grieving all at the same time. She's one tough cookie. She feels the presence of my Dad so keenly. On his birthday she awoke at 4am thinking about taking some Asti to his birthday luncheon some friends threw for him/her. Dad always got up at 4am. I am glad that God sees fit to give her these consolations, they are such a powerful part of her healing.

I can't wait to have our table out on the porch! Oh what a beautiful day!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Making Plans

My Father would have been 58 yesterday. He had plans. He spoke of coming with my Mother to visit us when my Grandfather for whom they were caring was dying. The first day of his new round of radiation my Father looked up at me from the gurney on which he was lying awaiting radiation and said, "I think my traveling days are over." We didn't know his cancer had returned, and 9.5 days later he was dead. Yes, I know about plans, all I could say to my Mom was, that he was making plans, he was making plans that he never got to enjoy.